Today’s recipience for my user-friendly affection are Netflix, Amazon Kindle, and Instagram. Let’s do this!

Not sure what you are doing here? You should probably start here:

Dear Netflix,

We have our polyamorous thing, don’t we? And surprisingly, I must say, we all get along brilliantly. You know all the members of my family and their preferences, and you let us be ourselves, individually.

Yeah, as you might have guessed, I am the blue badass!

I love it that you are a free spirit, cross-platform, independent digital butterfly. I can explore and watch ‘on the go,’ ‘during’ or while being one with the sofa.

So just this little tiny thing, yeah? For the love of God, let’s improve your translation skills. I was stunned to have this conversation with my 5-year-old. This is a freestyle Hebrew translation. It went something like this:

Him: Mommy, can I watch the Whore Robot?

Me: I am sorry, baby, what?!

Him: The Whore Robot, Mommy, the yellow one . . .

Then he points at the screen, and well, I break into a laugh-cry-and-pee-a-little fit. It actually says Whore Robot in Hebrew.

Besides that, you are a star. I love it that you are so attentive to my wants and let me explore and discover accordingly.

Thank you kindly in advance,

Dear Kindle,

If I could just wrap you in a fluffy, pink blanky, tuck you into my pocket, and take you everywhere I go. Oh, wait, that is exactly what I do! (minus the fluffy pink blanky) Since you came into my life, I read everywhere (and I mean EVERYWHERE), which is bittersweet, really. I don’t remember the last time I held an actual book (children’s books not included). However, as music is food for the soul, I believe words are candy for the mind, no matter the source.

So here’s the thing. I need to sample before I can fully dive in. So, please, for the love of anything and everything digitally-holy, would you let me get back to the same spot I left when I tapped on the purchase button?!! That would be much appreciated. I don’t need to read it from the beginning. If I decide to purchase the book, it usually means that I am dying to know what comes next. Forcing me to start over is not cool, Kindy, not cool at all!

Now, if you can just follow me to my library so we can discuss a fundamental issue I have. Do you see all of these books? Sometimes I like to reread them. Please pay attention: if I click on a book in the library, it does not automatically mean that I want to read it. Just think of it this way: when in an actual library, I am in a browsing state of mind. I need my descriptions. Let me have them, please!

It’s pretty simple: I tap, and you deliver a module showing me what it’s all about. If you really want to spoil me, remind me how much time I spent with this book or my rating for it.

Oh, and how about asking me what makes me stop and put books aside? That way, we can get to know each other better. It’s a win-win, really. You get to be more spot-on with your suggestions for my next reads, and I get to devour them, start to finish.

Maybe something like this: if I tap on the ‘remove book form device’ link before I actually finish it, you can just ask:

Now that I think about it, you know what would truly rock my world? A ‘favorite writers’ section! If you could just make space on one of the dusty shelves on my feed for the writers I follow, it would mean so much to me! I will have immediate access to all the awesome writers I love and will be in the know about the upcoming releases. Jesus, that would be the best birthday present ever! (Please consider an update for the 22nd.) Am I a geek or what!

Yours truly,

Dear Instagram,

Dude, you make me feel old and sometimes not very bright! (Actually, I am a tech-savvy person in the prime of my existence). Why you do this to me? Where should I start, um?

I admit I am not a social media superuser, but, now and then, I do like to upload a cute selfie to feel good about myself. So, this is the story of my first Instagram story.

I was trying this new recipe for bacon potato pie. While I stood there watching the masterpiece, I had an urge to document the beauty. So, I thought, “This seems like an appropriate first moment.” Storytime, let’s do this!

Everything goes smoothly, or so I think. I had two options — either send it somewhere or click on the ‘Close Friends’ button

— so I figured, OK, I don’t want to send it anywhere, so I need to choose who sees this story. Yeah, wrong! I got lots of messages like this one:

I know all about learning curves in usability. However, must it be so steep?! And at the expanse of my self-esteem?

Oh, and what’s the deal with the no-edit policy?! ‘Twitter you,’ too! What if I want to change/add/edit/tag? Just let me control my stuff, man!

Not entirely yours, but willing,

Thank you so much for reading, laughing, and feeling sorry for me all at once. See you next time with letters to Notion-notes, Reminder app, and wait for it… Medium!

Originally posted by me on Medium