Dear God, I mean google, I mean Gmail (Maaaan…Sorry, got a little excited)

You are definitely one of my Faves! And what’s not to love?! you were among the first to draw a line between essential and commercial content. You took control and decided for me. I love it when you go all Alpha on me!

Since you made this adjustment, my life is sunshine and rainbows! No spam, no Junk. I am the queen of my castle, lady of my jungle, well you get the idea.

Usability wise you are a rock star. You take care of my needs as a user. You listen (literally) and improve yourself for me all the time. You’re my hero.

For instance, recently, I have noticed this cute little feature. In a hurry or just lazy? Don’t you worry, click and you shall answer:

The only two things I want to ask of you: maybe you could please let go of pagination on the desktop? How about you allow me to scroll and load more from time to time?

51–100 of 219, Really? You can do better! I believe in you! I scroll, they scroll, everybody scrolls, really… Especially when looking for something. It will be easier for me to remember where I saw a specific email and just scroll to it, rather than wonder about the page number. Pretty please…?

Oh, and please could you add the feature of label creation on the mobile app? Why shouldn’t I be able to that? I am on my phone most of the time… so yeah, that would be awesome.

With the highest respect and all that,
Little old me

Dear WhatsApp,

Wassup love? You are actually my first mobile IM platform, and I will always remember you fondly. Having said that, you are not the only player out there anymore, and if you don’t keep up, mark my words, you will vanish!

You can not afford to just be! You should always aspire to be better. Telegram is breathing down your neck, Girl. Please, pay attention!

You created this cute feature called Status. Promote it! Give me notifications, don’t assume I see a ‘dot in a pixel-stack’! Let me choose which of my contact status I want to follow. Let’s make a thing out of it!

Gifs!!! Why don’t you just auto-play them? It is not an animated gif if you have to click play… and what of the quality? Let’s HD the hell out of them!

Oh, one more thing. Not all of us have delicate pianist fingers. Would you be so kind as to create some space between these icons?

You wouldn’t believe how many times I’ve made that unintentional call, UGHH. How about you create one action icon, clicking on it will display the call options. What do you say? You’ve already implemented it in the group chat. Let me illustrate:

On tap, you can display the existing options, like this:

Thanks so much in advance!

Dear Linkedin,

So elegant in your tailored digital suit! It’s like every time I launch you, I straighten up a bit, chin a little higher, feel a little taller. Whatever you do works for me! So, just keep up with all the good stuff!

You kinda ruined it for me, though, because now I need to find a substitute for your brilliance. So…. let’s do Aliexpress 🙂

Love ya Linky.

Dear Aliexpress,

Hey girl, can I call you Ali? Awesome! So I totally understand the need to expand. especially when business is good. However, when you expand to different countries, the least you can do is learn the language? Every time I encounter a lost-in-translation moment, I LMAO. It really is funny.

For instance, Kudos for letting me chose my native language! I feel special. But then I stumbled on this short product description, which I can only assume, was translated to Hebrew by an inferior version of Google Translate.

It practically says the following: OK, but first coffee letters print woman Tshirt cotton accidentally funny T for lady girl up tiz (which is not even a word!!!) abort ship. Whaaat?

Don’t get me started on the Russian descriptions. It’s hilarious! If it were just this one product, then I’d be like, Ok, it happens, just a glitch. But the fact is all product descriptions are off. You should do something about it.

Oh, and If you could learn my name, it would be awesome. All you have to do is ask, really. I mean, thank you so much for saving me time with the registration process.

The fact that I chose to connect with Gmail does not automatically turn me into google (I mean, yeah, I am good, but not that good!).

Too easy, indeed! It’s like you gave up on UX completely. All I can say is that this is the reason I am on Amazon.

I wish you all the best!

Thank you so much for reading my recent frustrations. See you next time with letters to Netflix, Instagram, and Amazon Kindle.

Originally posted by me on Medium